You ever consider suicide?

Got this question:

“This is going to be perhaps the most personal question you’ve received from anyone. With all the remarkable things you’ve experienced as a soldier, with all the setbacks in your personal life, with the setbacks in your professional life – getting the freelance career going et al – did you ever reach a point – and this is the touchy subject – did you ever think of ending it all? Did you glance over to that rope thinking this was your way out? If you do NOT answer this. I FULLY understand.”

It IS personal.

But, I made a promise to tackle this kind of stuff…

So, I’m not going shy away.

If this is too much for you… I get it.

Simply, click away.

So, here’s the thing…

This will probably freak you out about me, but I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts since I was 9 or so. I’ve told you about the car accident my dad, little brother and I were in. One of the things that happened after that…

Was I got told how close I came to dying…

I don’t know how many times.

Doctors.

Family.

I heard it so many times, I…

I don’t know… it was a lot.

They were well-meaning, but that f!@#s with you as a 9-year-old. Then, not long after that I was molested. It was a friend of the family who we saw from time to time and I was just about old enough to feel something wasn’t right…

But, they were clever.

And, it took me awhile before I fully realized what was happening…

And, that it was wrong.

That just made things worse.

In any case, the closest I ever came was (surprise, surprise) about 6 months after I got back from Iraq. I was dealing with PTSD and it had hit its worst. I was working at a pizza place at the time.

And, we always had an evening rush.

I was an assistant manager…

And, had to make sure everything ran smooth.

It was stressful.

And, my body was out of whack in terms of dealing with stress. I used to go outside after each rush was over, sit down by the dumpsters where no one could see me and just bawl my eyes out for 10-15 minutes.

No real reason why…

Other than I was just overwhelmed.

As the months of this wore on…

I considered a lot of things.

The one day I remember vividly… it was raining. And, I was following this semi-truck back home from work. I lived about 10 miles from where I worked. And, the whole way I had this overwhelming urge to just drive into the back of it.

I could’ve easily passed it.

But, I didn’t.

I just sat there staring at it as I drove.

That’s the strongest I ever felt it.

Anyway, how’d I make it out? Well, thankfully, I had (have) an amazing wife who just kept putting up with me. I had a son I just couldn’t leave. But, somehow I found a way to just draw a mental “red line” around suicide.

No matter what happened…

It just wasn’t an option.

That saved me more than once.

Then, and this is going to sound uber cliche, but I found a deeper purpose in life. For some people, that’s religion or something spiritual. For me, it was my kids. It was a legacy and the kind of life I wanted to give them.

And, how I wanted THEM specifically to remember me.

I still tear up thinking about it.

But, once I had that purpose or “mission” in my life…

That stuff mostly went away.

I have no idea if that’s how it works for others…

Or, if that’s helpful to you at all…

But, that’s my answer.

It’s also partly why… while I generally come across as a curmudgeonly bastard, I deep down actually DO really want to help people. I just also have very little tolerance for excuses. Like do it or don’t… but quit bitching.

Your life is what YOU make it.

Don’t like it?

Change it.

Anyway, take that for what it’s worth.

It’s just how I look at it.

Of course, if you’ve been here longer than a minute, you know the drill… web development was how I “escaped”. And, teaching that to people is how I help. So, if you’re tired of making excuses and want to make it happen…

My free tutorial site will help you get started: https://www.johnsfreetuts.com

And, it costs absolutely zero.

I’ve put my heart and soul into those courses to try and helps others “escape”, as well.

Anyway, do what you want…

But, if you’re life isn’t what you want it to be… do SOMETHING.

Later,

John

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John Morris

JOHN MORRIS

I’m a 15-year veteran of freelance web development. I’ve worked with bestselling authors and average Joe’s next door. These days, I focus on helping other freelancers build their freelance business and their lifestyles.

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75 SEO and website clients now. My income went from sub zero to over 6K just last month. Tracking 10K for next month. Seriously, you changed my life.

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By the way, just hit 95K for the year. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve taught me. You’ve changed my life. Thank you!

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I started this 3 days ago, following John’s suggestions, and I gained the Upwork Rising Talent badge in less than 2 days. I have a call with my first potential client tomorrow. Thanks, John!

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Divyendra Singh Jadoun

After viewing John’s course, I made an Upwork account and it got approved the same day. Amazingly, I got my first job the very same day, I couldn’t believe it, I thought maybe I got it by coincidence. Anyways I completed the job and received my first earnings. Then, after two days, I got another job and within a week I got 3 jobs and completed them successfully. All the things he says seem to be minute but have a very great impact on your freelancing career.

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Sarah Mui

I’ve been in an existential crisis for the last week about what the heck I’m doing as a business owner. Even though I’ve been a business for about a year, I’m constantly trying to think of how to prune and refine services. This was very personable and enjoyable to watch. Usually, business courses like this are dry and hard to get through…. repeating the same things over and over again. This was a breath of fresh air. THANK YOU.

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Waqas Abdul Majeed

I’ve definitely learnt so much in 2.5 hours than I’d learn watching different videos online on Youtube and reading tons of articles on the web. John has a natural way of teaching, where he is passionately diving in the topics and he makes it very easy to grasp — someone who wants you to really start running your business well by learning about the right tools and implement them in your online business. I will definitely share with many of the people I know who have been struggling for so long, I did find my answers and I’m sure will do too.

Scott Plude

Scott Plude

I have been following John Morris for several years now. His instruction ranges from beginner to advanced, to CEO-level guidance. I have referred friends and clients to John, and have encouraged my own daughter to pay attention to what he says. All of his teachings create wealth for me (and happiness for my clients!) I can’t speak highly enough about John, his name is well known in my home.

Sukh Plaha

John is a fantastic and patient tutor, who is not just able to share knowledge and communicate it very effectively – but able to support one in applying it. However, I believe that John has a very rare ability to go further than just imparting knowledge and showing one how to apply it. He is able to innately provoke one’s curiosity when explaining and demonstrating concepts, to the extent that one can explore and unravel their own learning journey. Thanks very much John!

Mohamed Misrab

Misrab Mohamed

John has been the most important person in my freelance career ever since I started. Without him, I would have taken 10 or 20 years more to reach the position I am at now (Level 2 seller on Fiverr and Top Rated on Upwork).

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