Thinking about it still makes my stomach churn.
We went to one of her sister’s kids’ baseball games. And, in these small towns, everybody went to school together and nobody ever leaves.
So, you’re always running into someone.
This time it was Josh.
I didn’t take long into the conversation for my insecurities to start flaring up. He was talking about this “amazing” job and all the money he made.
His new 4-bedroom house.
He pointed to his new Chevy truck in the parking lot.
Blah, blah, blah…
“F!@# this guy!”, I kept thinking.
And, as they sat there chatting, my mind started to race. “Look at how she looks at him. She never laughs that much at MY jokes. Why can’t we just f!@#ing leave?”
And, that ball of anxiety…
And anger…
And ultimately sadness…
In my stomach just kept growing.
Later that night, as we argued about money for probably the 100th time that week. I couldn’t help but wonder, “Was she secretly wishing she’d married him and not me?”
I was convinced…
“This is the guy my wife will leave me for.”
Here’s the truth.
It may be the same for women, I don’t know. But, I KNOW for most guys, when you don’t have your career in order… either, you’re still figuring out what you want to do…
Or, you’re working some job you hate…
It makes you feel like less of a man.
We could debate all day if it *should*…
But, it does.
And, when you’re in that place… it infects every part of your life. Especially, your relationships. The conversation my wife had in the park that day…
Is one she’s probably had 100 times since.
It was nothing.
But, because I didn’t have my s!@# together, every little insecurity I had came raging to the surface and I was surprised when she didn’t just shag him right there in the park. That’s how crazy it can get.
Anyway, point is…
Don’t think you can skirt around this. If you KNOW your career isn’t where you want it to be, don’t fool yourself into thinking, you can fudge.
Instead, attack it.
Head on.
And, start pursuing the career and life you really want deep down in the places you don’t tell anybody about. It makes you feel whole.
And, every other part of your life better.
Of course, as an aspiring developer, I’ve got a whole curriculum of courses that help you fast-track that journey. PHP, OOP, HTML, CSS, freelancing and more.
And, you can get started with it for nothing on SkillShare.
All the details on that are here: https://www.skillshare.com/r/user/johnmorris
Later,
John
